Thursday, January 16, 2014

Roll with it.

Today was weird. So much so, that I'm exhausted and can't sleep, have tears, but feel at peace, feel powerful and very small... all at the same time. 

The highlights? Immediate, selfless response to puppy supplies requested, and a work day without bosses (or patients for that matter). The lows? A sense of loss and the threat of fear for the unknown, which crept in to many corners today. Everything will be ok, everything will work out in time. 

So many disconnected thoughts. 
I don't think I did a good enough job celebrating my husband's birthday, I didn't take enough time. I forgot to send a card to another loved one, even after thinking of it on four different occasions this past week. I keep trying to connect with a friend and the universe seems hellbent on keeping us apart. I hate failing to care for people in my life. Not showing in word and deed how much they mean weighs heavy even if the failure continues. Mind is too busy. 

There's change all around me, friends and family, all shifting. This is clearly a year of change. I feel a great pulling, a universal tug-of-war with contentment on the prevailing team. It's as if everyone is in a draining tub and all roads lead through the same resounding WOOSH! of completion and/or resolve. I can close my eyes and feel the spiral, I must remember to celebrate wherever we all land. 

Whatever is happening, whatever is meant to be... I am thankful. Thankful to be rich in ways that truly matter, the fear that threatens is not honoring to the trust I know I should have in the process.  It's out of my hands, beyond my control, not for me to take credit for. I feel so fortunate to be along for the ride.   

Also, have I mentioned how much I LOVE this boy lately? He's amazing. Zeus makes everything better with one giant bear hug and a bop of his nose. <3 He also absolutely loves to learn and tonight he mastered a new trick in just a few minutes! Time to snuggle my sweet "comforter."  


Carrie said...

Cameron - The love you and Hans share is incredible. Please remember that unbirthdays can be just as special as regular ones.

Thanks for letting me be apart of today's event. It made me happy to share a bit. I've kept my promise.

Hugs to you. And everyone on Team Thompson.

Jordan Itaya said...

Cameron, from your writing I can sense a thousand thoughts and feelings coursing through you. I can relate to that feeling. So much so that at times I feel like I want to explode. There's just not enough time or energy to do everything or feeling or be as much as we want to be. I think you do about as good a job as anyone at managing it all though. Keep writing!