Thursday, November 13, 2008

Pardon the empty space...

I REALLY miss my camera. This is absolutely the worst timing in the history of all camera breakage timings. I've decided as these past few weeks have led me deeper and deeper into the depths of some kind of sleepless despair that being without my camera is certainly not helping.

The days have been ticking by with me feeling more and more desperate for rest and more and more frustrated with the simplest of hurdles. I've been strangely overwhelmed with the stupidest things, feeling like I'm floating above myself and looking down with confusion as I fall apart inside when I can't reach the rice cooker from above the refrigerator, start to make salad dressing and discover we're out of balsamic vinegar or plan to put together a meat loaf when I have only purchased the meat... there are other things that go in that dish! I've thought it was just exhaustion, sleep has escaped me for weeks now. It's the time change and the cold and the darkness and a supposed lack of vitamin D, maybe even a surprise bit of depression which I never thought I'd know the likes of. I saw somebody about it on Tuesday and walked away with a prescription for Ambien which I then had to pay for because of problems with my insurance that were costing me too much time away THAT I COULD HAVE USED FOR SLEEPING. Its been recommended that I get a therapy light also and we're just trying to work that out financially, not really an option to put it off because I'm kind of a shell of myself right now. Two nights of Ambien and I wasn't much better today so, my boss suggested I head home since it was unbelievably sunny and lovely outside. I took her advice and support and made my way home at lunch and after a bite to eat with my Mom's company, my boys and I were on our way to the beach for a nice long walk.

I feel better after staring into the sun for a couple of hours and having a chance to relax for a bit. I'm putting allot of faith in that vitamin D supplement and my absolutely amazing husband has been holding me up like you wouldn't believe. I'm turning this around, I don't have a choice. That's it, hear me know. I don't think there's really anyone listening, but it feels good to write it out. I don't have time for this... I don't want to take time for this. I'm going to do what I know best and just kick it's ass. I don't want my husband to suffer from a wife who's no enthusiastic about life. I don't want to miss anything.

I have things to look forward to in the coming weeks and I've still been reading all of my favorite blogger's comings and goings, even though I might not have commented for all of you! I've been steadily stitching up some of the gift items intended for Christmas and although it causes me great shoulder pains, the results are thus far satisfying.

So long for now, I'm taking a totally lax approach to this here blog right now as it's not the most important thing I have to maintain. You can at least see that Rocko is alive and kicking though... he's up there sitting behind me keeping me company while Lucca whines about stuff.

1 comment:

always sunny said...

it's like you just wrote all of my feelings down.

and i am convinced it is a vitamin/weather thing, because i have heard this from a few other people that i never thought i would hear it from either.

hang in there.