So, pay no mind to the clutter... the room is "under construction" as we prepare for guests next month. A before and after are forthcoming unless I decide this is enough before for any one person to handle. K, thanks.
Day 755 of my captivity and I am still holding on to the belief that one day I will be freed. Repeated attempts at vomiting on the human's precious electronics have been thwarted by my prison food which seems to settle too well these days in my previously svelte abdomen. The humans find pleasure in trying to touch me constantly and my only defense is avoidance or verbal assault wherein, I scream and howl repeatedly in the hopes that someone from the outside world will hear me and come to my aid. While I remain committed to planning my escape, the Jowly One is mindless and blissfully unaware of our peril which occasionally impedes my digging velocity. My other cellmate, Wacko, isn't any help either as he seems to suffer from some kind of mental illness and spends most of his time shaking and "seeing things." Wacko may prove to be useful later on though should I need a distraction for the humans while I launch the hover craft I'm constructing out of chicken strips squirreled away under the toy box.
Update: Have managed to order some weaponry via text messaging while the She human wasn't looking, may have advanced my exit date exponentially. Should the package be detained I have begun to chew my knuckle bone to a sharp point and may be able hold my urine long enough to "require veterinary attention" aka: a reason for leaving the compound...
To anyone receiving this transmission, send help and catnip.