Go! So funny!
Angry Farewell Notes From Runaway Dogs
By Dave Donovan
From: Ringo, 4-year-old Saint Bernard
Well, this is not easy. I'm supposed to be loyal and supportive, and God knows I've given it my best shot. But let's be honest: my opportunities here are limited. I just don't know how in the world I can deliver food and first-aid supplies to anyone in this goddamned condominium. Am I supposed to be a rescue dog or not? I thought you could at least attach martini shakers to my collar and turn me loose near the pool. But it turns out there really are no emergencies here. In fact, the only crisis I can see is the frozen tundra of your dating life. So, best of luck, Admiral Byrd—you're going to need it.
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