Monday, July 14, 2008

It's beyond remarkable.


You know that feeling... when you're just sitting there thinking about how you're kind of a total mess and you can really suck sometimes? And then you think about how there's people in your life who just laugh that off and will accept you the way you are and welcome you back into their circle of awesomeness? That feeling of peace and humility and sort of nausea? Oh, you don't get the nausea? Well...

I'm just sitting here thinking of all the bits of goodness left over from the weekend, but those bits are being stomped out by EVEN MORE BITS of EVEN BETTER GOODNESS from having yet another family dinner tonight and I can't decide where to begin. I'm so amazed at the remarkable joy I feel when I'm with my family these days. Our history is like any family's, tantrums and rebellion, sorrow and success, great highs and deep lows, but always survival and deep devotion. We are a large family and we've come together like a patchwork quilt, but my goodness are we ever continuing to growing in a way I didn't see coming.

I'm so happy to sit back as an adult taking in what has become of my brother and I and to have an endless imagination that expects great things for our younger sisters as well. My brother married a woman whom I've come to know and love like a sister and who continually intrigues me and challenges me without her even trying. This past year of bonding has been the culmination of many years with each of us flitting about doing this thing or that and not really getting a chance to know each other the way I feel we finally do now. Together these two remarkable people have added to our family the most lovely young ladies an Auntie could ever ask for.


Bug.

Bean.

Meanwhile my parents are quirky and unpredictable, but completely incredible. Their growth and commitment to each other after all that they've been through is a great gift to their children and grandchildren and I notice it daily. I miss you Dad! Mexico is not treating you well and we're all here hurting for you. I've been so richly blessed by these wonderful Summer days and nights of time together with these great people and tonight I guess I'm just sitting with some feelings of unworthiness as I poor out my thanks for their presence in my life. As hard as it can be to know and be known intimately like only a family can, I'm continually aware that the challenge to use this power for good and not evil is my greatest calling. These people are the faces of God in my life as I learn to be a better person and accept the limitations of my human self so as not to hurt them or give them less of me. I'm so very lucky, I don't want it to end.

More pretty girl goodness: Myself, The Bug and my baby sister Mary.



3 comments:

Raven said...

I love that last picture. So much love and happiness in a little square.

sufferingsummer said...

I couldn't have said it better (in fact I linked you just cause I thought you said it so well:)
Isn't family something else???
oh and I have an idea for that girly time out we need...maybe you me and your mama too? It is a little bit naughty but I think just up our alley;)

lorieloo said...

I know exactly how you feel. To be so grateful and amazed by such a connection to people who love you regardless.

I'm happy for you all, there is no greater gift than that of a close family.